A brave new one-woman show about mental illness, migration and being ok with not being ok
Shortly before the breakout of World War II, Ruby Wax's parents, both of whom were Jewish, fled Vienna and arrived in America in 1938. Less than two decades later, Wax was born in Evanston, Illinois. But she has never felt truly American – or truly anything else for that matter – admitting to always having felt a sense of relentless restlessness. This is just one of a number of admissions in her brave new one-woman show based on her recent book of the same name, I'm Not as Well as I Thought I Was.
The stage from which she professes is in Norwich Playhouse, a modest 250-cap venue. It's dressed simply, with a desk, office chair, laptop and phone. There's no ceremony, no pomp and the house lights are still blazing. "This is an experiement," she announces. "A play. If you don't like it, keep your mouth shut. It //will// get funny." The fact that she delivers this missive while dressed in a set of pink pyjamas and slippers is, in itself, already smile-inducing.
Finally the lights go down and we're transported to a "gangrene-coloured" mental ward, where the 70-year-old actor and comedian spent five weeks in 2022. Wax is being wheeled in as the voices in her head yell, "You're a FRAUD, a FAILURE, you're OLD." How did she get here? We're about to find out, as we journey over days and continents – announced by a pre-recorded, disembodied voice that also belongs to Wax – to experience the events leading up to her hospitalisation.
Over the next hour and half (including an interval), we go from the psychiatric clinic to a 30-day silent retreat in California, then a whale-watching trip in the Dominican Republic, a refugee camp on a Greek island, a Christian monastery in Yorkshire, and back again. We witness conversations between Wax and her agent; her therapist; her husband. We're provided an unadulterated and intimate look at events that, although intended to be life affirming, ultimately led to the American-British comic committing herself.
Anyone who's read the book will know these stories already, but to see them performed with such searing honesty is profoundly moving. That's not to say there aren't plenty of laughs. An impression of a bald turkey waddling into obscurity in the forest after losing a fight to another male turkey is a particularly hilarious highlight. As are the one-liners that come, seemingly, out of the blue. Like when she tells everyone about her parents constantly criticising her weight and assassinating her character. Until one day she bloomed "from an ugly duckling into Joan Rivers. Then I got all the best looking guys," she smirks. "They were all gay, but I got ’em."
I'm Not as Well as I Thought I Was is a cleverly scripted show. It thoughfully tells of one woman's futile search for stability and, as Wax takes you on a rollercoaster ride through the peaks and troughs of her life, one thing becomes abundantly clear: the star can't stand still. She keeps moving, keeps going on adventures, keeps saying yes to everything her agent proposes. "You won't find a geographical solution to a psychological problem," her therapist tells her to no avail. "I am a refugee. It's in my DNA," she says proudly, finally at peace with the fact that she may never feel settled. "I know that wherever I'm standing is my home."
By Danielle Goldstein
Header photo: Ruby Wax, Sane New World, 2014 © Southbank Centre
Ruby Wax: I'm Not as Well as I Thought I Was is touring the UK until Saturday 25 November. rubywax.net